


Happy At Home

by siempremadridistalalala



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, But only a little, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-03-02 09:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18808036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siempremadridistalalala/pseuds/siempremadridistalalala
Summary: When two minutes had passed, Joe glanced at the test he was still holding, his hand wrapped around it so tightly that his knuckles had become white.Joe’s heart both sank and made a leap of joy at the same time when he saw that the test was positive.-John had made it clear that, because of his age, he didn't want another child and Joe was okay with that. Then he found out he was pregnant again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This Time I Know It’s For Real](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985746) by [KyluxFicHell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyluxFicHell/pseuds/KyluxFicHell). 



> As you will most likely notice when reading it, this fic his highkey inspired by This Time I Know It's For Real by KyluxFicHell (which I totally encourage you read if you haven't already). However, in my fic, the Deazzello kids are only a year or so apart, and this is set around 2023. That's all you need to know beforehand really, but if anything is unclear, don't hesitate to ask.
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

It was in a dirty stall of a McDonald’s bathroom of all places where Joe found out. He and John had taken the kids out to the zoo and the boys had, although very adorably, demanded that they eat at McDonald’s on the way back. They had found one by the roadside and it had honestly been just in time for Joe, whose bladder was at the point of exploding.

He’d carried the test with him for about a week now but he was scared to actually take it. The memory of John saying he didn’t want another child still fresh in his mind. Joe had always dreamed of having a large family but had agreed that, because of John’s age, it was probably the best this way. He loved his kids and their two little whirlwinds were enough to make him happy.

Yet for the past two weeks he had been noticing that he felt nauseous quite frequently and this combined with the soreness of his chest area had made him suspicious. When he noticed that he had also started to urinate more often than usual, he’d immediately ran to the store to get a test. Somehow it took the smell of greasy fries and the sight of wet toilet paper lying on the floor for him to remind himself that sooner or later, he’d have to take it.

The waiting was horrible. Having to wait meant that Joe had time to think, mostly about how John would react. Joe knew John loved him with all his heart, but still wondered what the older man would do in case the test came back positive. He wouldn’t leave him, he was sure of that, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t get mad.

On the other hand, it still took two people to make this happen, which meant that John would be just as ‘guilty’ as him. Besides, John loved all of his children so dearly, that surely, he wouldn’t be upset having another addition.

The two minutes he had to wait before the results showed seemed to last hours and Joe started worrying that John would notice he had been gone for almost five minutes already. For now, he’d just tell him he wasn’t feeling well, which wasn’t a complete lie.

When two minutes had passed, Joe glanced at the test he was still holding, his hand wrapped around it so tightly that his knuckles had become white.

Joe’s heart both sank and made a leap of joy at the same time when he saw that the test was positive. He was happy because, although he and John had agreed on not having more than two kids, he would love to have another baby. He’d never deliberately sabotage a condom or anything like that, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t happy that it had happened anyway.

Part of him was also sad, because he knows having another baby meant that he’d make another child deal with the loss of a parent at a relatively young age. It meant that the older and the more energetic the child would be, the less John would be able to play with them.

So for now, Joe decided, he’d keep it to himself.

After a quick look in the mirror Joe decided that he looked presentable enough to face his family again. He found the three of them standing at an ordering pole, where his oldest son, Oliver, was vividly explaining to John how the pole worked (and John didn’t have the heart to tell the young boy that that wasn’t really necessary).

When the older man spotted Joe, he smiled sheepishly, ignoring his youngest son jumping up and down trying to reach the Happy Meal button, with his older brother watching him and laughing. “Why do kids always get so excited about unhealthy food?”

“You’re asking me that as if I don’t.” Joe grinned back.

“Fair point, are you sure I don’t have nine kids instead of eight?”

Joe had to hold back a chuckle at the irony of that, considering what he’d just found out back in the smelly bathroom.

“Well, I am younger than some of your kids and I’ve been told I look like you, so who knows?”

At first, they had avoided talking about their age difference at all costs. Ever since they had made their relationship public, the media had made it seem like some kind of Hollywood Drama. They accused Joe of dating John solely because of his money. They said that he’d seduced the older man into dating him. They loved each other, of course, and the people who actually mattered to them knew that, but it had been painful to be judged like that and the constant reminder that they didn’t have a whole lifetime together hurt too.

As several years passed, however, they found their age difference to be a new source of amusement (“I read the oldest man in the world is 113 years old, I’d very much appreciate it if you tried to beat that record”).

“Papa help!” Alfie, their youngest son, pouted, pointing at the screen. Joe shook his head laughing as he lifted his son far enough from the ground for him to be able to reach the screen.

Soon enough they were sat at a table waiting for their order to be ready. As soon as their order number was called, Joe stood up to get it but as soon as he was on his feet the whole world seemed to start spinning, causing him to immediately sit down again.

He actually had to blink a few times before his vision became clear again. The first thing he saw was John’s concerned face. “Are you alright, love?” He asked, reaching out to gently rub Joe’s knee in comfort.   

Joe nodded, even though he felt far from okay. “Yeah, just a little dizzy. Stood up too quickly I think.”

He wasn’t sure if John actually believed him but the older man nodded anyway. “Shall I go and get it?” Joe nodded gratefully, smiling when he saw John taking their oldest son’s hand as the boy excitedly skipped his way to the counter.

It was a good thing their kids managed to keep John so vital, as it was definitely necessary with those two, soon to be three, balls of energy. As if to confirm his thoughts, Joe was poked in the side repeatedly by a little finger, completely unaware that his son and husband had returned to their table.

“Can I have ice cream?” Oliver asked, batting his eyelashes in a way that he had definitely learned from either Roger or Ben (those two truly were terrible influences on his kids when it came to teaching them how to get their way).

“Let’s see if you can finish your Happy Meal first.” Joe smiled, lovingly stroking the boy’s hair. He wouldn’t be surprised, however, if the boy actually did manage to finish all his food and still have room left for some ice cream. He sure had a huge appetite for someone with such a small body.

Oliver seemed to take this as a challenge. John had barely even set the tray down before he attacked his fries, while also trying to fit a chicken nugget in his mouth.

“Slow down, dear. No one’s going to try to steal it from you.” John said, laughing at his son’s antics. Joe though, ever in a silly mood, quickly took one of the fries and stuffed it in his mouth, much to his son’s dismay.

“Papa stole my fry!” He exclaimed loudly, attracting the attention of a few other costumers, who, after smiling in amusement, went back to minding their own business. Oliver crossed his arms in front of his chest and put on a pouty face.

The way John looked at Joe was enough to make clear that, although the joke was appreciated, he was expected to make it up to his son again. “That’s not very nice, papa. I guess you’ll have to give Ollie one of yours now.”

With a fake sigh of annoyance, Joe handed one of his own fries to his son, who took it and immediately started munching on it.

When the two boys ended up sharing an ice cream and fell asleep almost as soon as they were settled in the car again, Joe noticed the happy smile on John’s face and couldn’t help but think that maybe a third baby wouldn’t even be so bad.

* * *

Later that night, as they were getting ready for bed after having tucked in the boys, Joe noticed that John was wearing a shirt he had never seen him wear before and that he was pretty sure hadn’t been in their closet when had done the laundry earlier that week.

“Daddysaurus?” He read aloud, his face a picture of delight. John seemed less charmed by the shirt (hence why he wore it to bed and not during the day). “Yeah, Rog gave it to me. Thought it would be funny.” As the drummer had handed him the shirt, Brian was very quick to make clear that he had absolutely nothing to do with it, which John understood upon seeing the word on the front.

“He has good taste then.” Joe shrugged, getting into bed next to his husband. He seemed to appreciate the joke more than John.

“I always suspected you had a thing for dinosaurs,” John grinned broadly, “I mean, first Jurassic Park, now me.” He rolled on his side to look at his younger husband, watching his facial expression change from enjoyment to minor outrage.

“Are you saying that you think you’re a dinosaur, Mr. Deacon?”

“I suppose I am, Mr. Deacon.” John flirted back. His stomach always seemed to fill itself with butterflies whenever he got the chance to call Joe by his new surname. It still managed to amaze him that this gorgeous young man was his.

Joe offendedly swatted his arm. “I will not have my husband call himself a dinosaur.” Although it was clearly meant to be a joke, Joe still felt like he needed to reassure John that he wasn’t _that_ old. Anyone who could give their significant other three orgasms in a row deserved more than being called old. “Anyway, I’d much rather focus on the daddy-part, if you’d allow me to.” He added naughtily.

A smile appeared on John’s face, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the way Joe loved so much. “As if I could ever deny you something.” He winked, pulling Joe closer against him, before catching his lips in a slow and tender kiss. A kiss that quickly turned into a full-on make out session.

It didn’t take long for Joe to climb on top of John, with a leg on each side of the bassist’s body. He smirked when he felt something hard pressing against him. “For such a dinosaur you seem to be insatiable!” The American joked, grinding down a little, a move that was answered by John’s hands settling on his bum.

“Only because you’re so irresistible.” Joe laughed at that, voice going an octave higher when John’s hands gave his ass a squeeze, which only confirmed Joe’s earlier statement.

“What can I say, I can’t help that I’ve got the body of a Greek god.” The redhead shrugged innocently, although he clearly was anything but innocent. Soon, he felt John’s hands moving from his bum to the hem of his shirt, slowly but certainly sliding under the fabric. Not much later, said piece of clothing was thrown on the floor, along with all other clothes they were wearing.

The sex that followed was slow and sweet, in a way that made one instantly understand why it was also called ‘making love’, because this was one of the moments when Joe was reminded of just how lucky he was to have found someone that made him so happy and loved him with all his heart.

For the second time that day, Joe felt assured that maybe John wouldn’t be mad or disappointed about Joe’s pregnancy. The man loved him too much for that. He even felt confident enough to sigh a content “daddy” when snuggling into John, soon being sound asleep.

* * *

Although Joe had moved to England permanently, he didn’t see Ben and Gwilym as often as he would like to, due to work and other obligations. That’s why they had decided to have at least one night out together every month, which had encouraged John to do the same with Brian and Roger. It was ideal.

However, the day before their planned night out, Joe was feeling the most nauseous he ever had. Not even his two previous pregnancies had caused him to spend this much time hugging the toilet. John had gone out for a coffee with Veronica (after having asked Joe about a thousand times if it really was okay that he went out now that Joe felt so dizzy, his worried nature something the younger man found absolutely adorable) and the kids were still sound asleep (it was a Sunday after all), which meant he had the whole house to himself.

Joe was really grateful that no one had the displeasure of seeing him in such an unflattering position. He could only hope that the morning sickness would have toned down a little by the time his husband got home.

He shot Ben a text saying that he didn’t feel good and most likely wouldn’t feel good enough to go out with them the next day. As soon as the two check marks turned blue, indicating that Ben had read his message, he received an incoming WhatsApp video call from Gwil, although that was most likely also Ben’s doing.

And indeed.

“The fuck, mate? One night in an entire month is all I ask!” The blonde exclaimed as soon as Joe had accepted the call. He knew that Ben didn’t mean it to come out harsh, that he just wanted to spend time with Joe, but his face showed clear disappointment. Gwil was sitting next to Ben, face only half on screen and most likely just there to make sure his boyfriend wouldn’t make an unnecessary drama out of the situation.

“I’m just not sure if I’ll be able to make it, I feel like absolute shit.” Joe admitted. He had tried every remedy he was able to think of to try and get rid of his nausea, but so far nothing had worked. He was toilet-bound, it seemed. Even though the toilet was literally visible for Ben too see behind Joe, the man wasn’t convinced yet.

“Ah, come on man! We need you. You’re our third musketeer, the Alvin to our Chipmunks, the Good to our Bad and Ugly, the third head on our Cerberus, the-” before Ben was able to continue rambling, Gwil cut him off. “I think he gets it, love.” He said, wrapping a protective arm around the blonde.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t think it’s a great idea, since I can’t go fifteen minutes without having to run to the toilet.” Joe apologized again. He really was sorry, as he would have loved to go. He just didn’t think Ben and Gwil would enjoy spending the entire next to Joe on the floor while the other man was puking his guts out.

“I told you you shouldn’t have eaten that pork.” Ben sighed, shaking his head. Joe honestly couldn’t remember when in the past week he had eaten pork and how Ben would know about that. Luckily, Gwil was there, the only one out of the three of them with actual braincells and ever the voice of reason.

“Ben, that was three weeks ago, I don’t think the pork’s guilty here.” He said dryly, earning himself a glare from his fiancé. He just shrugged in return. Although the pork hardly deserved to be called pork, Joe had finished all of it anyway. Looking back at it knowing what he knew now, he would blame it on being some weird craving he had at that moment.

“Alright. Then why don’t you come to our place, we’ll just get some fast food and watch some Netflix.” Ben pleaded, desperate to finally spend some time with Joe again. Who knew when they would next get the chance to see each other again.

Joe was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to keep the fast food down, but a quiet night in watching movies with two of his best friends did sound rather fun. “If I’m feeling a little better, I guess I could come by,” he gave in, “but if I end up throwing up all over your ugly carpet, I can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Ignoring Gwil’s attempts at convincing Joe that the carpet wasn’t all that ugly, Ben nodded heavily. “Please do that, then we can finally get rid of that monstrosity.”

“You’re a monstrosity.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“I was away filming last night!” Gwil exclaimed, starting to get a little frustrated with the other man. His carpet wasn’t exactly the prettiest thing one had ever seen, but he had to draw the line at the item being called a monstrosity. Ben and Joe just didn’t have taste.

The latter, quite amused by his friends’ antics, just shrugged. “Maybe young Benjamin is nesting; in which case I’d completely understand why he doesn’t want that ugly thing there when you bring your daughter home.”

While Ben nodded in agreement, Gwil seemed to be absolutely done with the other two. “Why don’t the two of you just piss off? I will not stand for this carpet-shaming.” The older Brit huffed and stood up. Ben didn’t seem very upset about losing his pillow, so the brunette was most likely just off to get some food from the kitchen.

The blonde took this opportunity to beg Joe to come over yet again, this time in a lower voice so Gwil wouldn’t be able to hear him. “Can you please come tomorrow? With the whole giving birth thing coming closer, I could really use someone who’s been through it already.” He admitted. Joe gave the other man a soft and understanding smile and nodded. “Of course.” Truth to be told, he could really use someone to confide in about his own pregnancy and although he felt bad about telling his friends before telling John, he really needed more reassurance.

Ben gave him a grateful smile back, mouthing a ‘ _thanks’._

“How is my little princess doing, by the way?” Joe inquired, now that they were on the topic of babies anyway.

“She’s very active, I’ve barely been able to get a good night’s sleep recently.” Ben admitted, resting his hand on his belly, which, as happened often lately, went answered by the feeling of his baby girl moving around in there.

“And it’ll only become worse when she’s born.” Joe smirked. After having had to endure endless teasing from Ben’s side when he and John were expecting their first baby together, he was glad that he was able to give the younger man a taste of his own medicine.

Ben pouted at the screen but his eyes lit up at something off-screen that Joe was unable to see. Seconds later, Gwilym sat down next to his fiancé again, the latter now happily munching on pickles that he dipped in… yoghurt?

Joe honestly couldn’t remember having craved such odd combinations of food during his pregnancies. The most unusual probably being pineapple on pizza, something he had never really understood.

However, Ben seemed incredibly content, snuggled into Gwil with the bowl containing his peculiar breakfast balancing on his belly. The blonde barely even noticed the looks of disgust from Joe and the fond smile Gwil gave him.

They continued talking for a while, mainly about the baby room and the mischief Alfie and Oliver had gotten into lately, until both Joe and Gwil noticed that Ben was looking very drowsy. His head rested on Gwil’s shoulder and the sound of soft breaths was soon replaced with the somewhat louder snoring.

“I guess this is our cue to hang up.” Gwil grinned, his hand softly stroking Ben’s hair. Joe had to admit he was quite tired himself too and when he looked at the clock after they had said their goodbyes, he realized that they had talked for barely an hour, which meant that he’d only been up for about three. He decided to just blame it on pregnancy fatigue.

He went upstairs to quickly check up on the kids to see if they were still asleep, finding both boys snuggled together in Alfie's bed.

When John came home later that morning and found his husband in their shared bed, one son on each side of him and all of them sound asleep, he couldn’t have felt more thankful for this family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe finds comfort in his two best friends and his son unintentionally increases his worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely reviews (I'll make sure to answer them this time) and my apologies for taking so long. I can't wait for this semester to be over and finally have more time to write. 
> 
> For now, please enjoy!

When Joe woke up, the first thing he saw was the huge smirk on John’s face. “Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.” The older man grinned. Joe turned his head towards the alarm clock on his bedside table and noticed it was 2 in the afternoon already. He had slept for over two hours.

With a tired sigh he turned back to John, who was seated on the edge of the bed. “Morning, Daddysaurus.” He teased, earning him a subtle shove from his husband, who mumbled something about killing one Roger Taylor as soon as he was given the chance.

It took a moment for Joe to realize that he and John were alone in the room, even though he was pretty sure his sons had joined him in bed before he had fallen asleep.

John seemed to be able to read his thoughts, seeing Joe’s confused face. “The boys are downstairs drawing. They wanted to make you breakfast in bed, but I managed to convince them that you wouldn’t be very excited about Haribo candy on a sandwich.”

Joe laughed as he sat up a bit, only to move towards John and lean into his chest. John was quick to wrap his arms around Joe, who sighed contently as he buried his face into his sweater.

“They’re so cute.” Joe mumbled into the soft fabric, making the older man chuckle as he kissed his husband on the top of his head. It wasn’t the first time Joe fawned over their kids like that. Every time they learned or did something new, Joe was in awe. They were growing up too fast, he had said: something that John could definitely agree on.

“They are.” He agreed, smiling at the way Joe leaned into him even further when he started stroking his back.

“I don’t want them to grow up.” The younger man continued. “Maybe if we don’t feed them, they’ll stay small forever.”

“I don’t think it works like that, love.” John said, although he definitely felt the same. It seemed like it was only yesterday that the both of them laid in the play pen together, babbling to each other in a language that only they seemed to understand, but the reality was that by now, they didn’t depend on John and Joe as much anymore. Although it made John feel incredibly proud to see his boys starting to become a little more independent, it also made him feel nostalgic. He would miss changing diapers and holding his babies tight as they cried because of the pain that came with teething.

They sat like that for a little while longer, until Joe realized he really needed to use the toilet, which he unashamedly told John, who just laughed and said he’d be downstairs with the kids.

Both boys were seated at the kitchen table, on their knees on the chairs despite John having told them not to sit like that, drawing something. Ollie was drawing a car, not entirely surprising as he absolutely idolized Roger, and Alfie was drawing what looked like four people (or five, John couldn’t make out whether the fifth figure was supposed to be an animal or a human).

“Who is that?” John pointed at the fifth creature while sitting down on the chair next to his son’s. The boy looked up to see who John meant and beamed at him as he answered. “Uncle Ben’s baby.”

“But Uncle Ben’s baby won’t live here. She will live with him and Uncle Gwil.” John explained, making Alfie’s proud smile fall. John ruffled his hair to cheer him up a little, smiling at his husband as he walked into the room. Joe’s smile gave away that he had heard the last part of the conversation.

“Can we have a new baby too?” Ollie perked up from the other side of the table. His younger brother looked up at John too, equally hopeful.

Joe’s body became tense all over, even though he knew that it was just an innocent question, coming from a child. His heart fell when he heard John answer. Rationally, he knew that John would never even think about the possibility of Joe being pregnant right now, but rather of the fact that they did not plan to have any more kids.

“No, sorry love. Daddy’s a little too old for that now.”

Both Ollie and Alfie looked sad for a moment but quickly focused on finishing their drawings again, so that they could be put up on the door. Joe, however, felt his heart break a little.

John must have noticed Joe’s sudden change of mood, as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to meet John’s worried eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Joe shrugged. “Just thinking about what we talked about earlier.”

“Not feeding our kids anymore?” John asked, making Joe laugh and roll his eyes.

“No. They’re growing up too fast; they were babies just yesterday.”

John took Joe’s face between his hands, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs; something that gave younger man a warm feeling of comfort. Joe got all tingly when the bassist touched him like that.

John tried to cheer him up, but instead of his reassuring words it was mostly his soft smile that made Joe feel a little less tense. “Hey, don’t be sad. They’re growing up but there’s still so much to look forward to.”

_If only he knew…_

* * *

When Joe arrived at Ben and Gwil’s house the next day, Ben was the one to open the door. The blonde had grown quite a lot since Joe had last seen him. He had only two months to go now, which was also the reason he had started to fret about having to give birth.

Despite having told Joe that he felt like absolute shit, Ben opened the door with a beaming smile, obviously very happy to see his friend. Even at seven months, pregnancy was a way better look on Ben than it had ever been on Joe. John, of course, would argue otherwise if Joe were to tell him that.

“You look so-“ Joe started to say, but stopped himself when he saw Gwil making dramatic ‘no’-gestures from behind his fiancé, clearly knowing what Joe was going to say. “…radiant” He finished his sentence instead.

If possible, it made Ben’s smile growing even bigger. And although Joe was going to tell Ben how big he had gotten, he wasn’t lying by saying he looked radiant, cause the younger man seemed to glow. Pregnancy sure was a good look on him. Joe honestly couldn’t remember himself ever looking this great while pregnant; he had been condemned to feeling miserable throughout the whole nine months and after a while, he had just given up on trying to make himself look better than he felt.

“Are you excited? Ready?” Joe asked. He instantly regretted his question when he saw Ben’s face fall.

“Excited? Yes. Ready? Not in the slightest.” The blonde admitted, looking down at his belly. Gwil rubbed his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look as he led both men to the living room. Even though Ben had tried to hide it from Gwil as well as he could, the older man was very aware that his fiancé was all but looking forward to giving birth.

Every time someone so much as mentioned it, his face would turn as white as a sheet. When one of Gwil's aunts had, without reason, started to explain the whole process of giving birth and the pain that came with it in graphic detail, the blonde had fainted.

“It’ll all be worth it in the end, trust me.” Joe reassured him. He understood that Ben feared the idea of having to push a human out of his body; he had had those same feelings. And rightfully so, giving birth was the most physically painful thing he had ever experienced. However, he knew better than to tell Ben that, and he certainly hadn’t been lying when he said it would all be worth it, he loved his boys more than he had ever thought he could love someone.

Ben looked unconvinced of his friend’s words, which moved Joe to scoot a little closer to him and wrapping his arms around him in a hug. God knows both Ben and him could use one.

Gwil smiled at the two hugging men, but made no move to join in their embrace. This was an experience that Joe and Ben shared and although Gwil was very much involved in all of it, he knew that Ben needed someone who had experienced all of it before and who would reassure him instead of telling him how awfully painful it was going to be.

“So, I was thinking pizza? If that’s alright with you?” Gwil proposed, which both men excitedly agreed with, nodding heavily and with Ben adding a “have I already told you I love you?”

Grabbing his phone from his pocket, Gwil informed which pizzas the other two wanted. Ben went for his usual, but what really surprised Gwil was Joe’s enthusiastic “the one with pineapple on it!”

Gwil gave him an odd look. “Didn’t you find pineapple on pizza weird?”

“Who even eats that?” Ben scrunched his face in disgusted, but received an unimpressed reaction from his fiancé.

“You eat pickles dipped in yoghurt; you’re not allowed to judge.” The brunette said. Joe cringed a little at the idea of it. He still didn’t understand how Ben could just casually have something like that for breakfast.

“I can’t help that, it’s your daughter that wants them.”

“How do you know, have you talked to her?”

“I can just feel it”

As the bickering went on, Joe started feeling more and more uncomfortable, feeling like he had kind of caused this argument. Although he knew that it was just innocent banter, he was glad that John never raised his voice like that at him or the kids. Joe wasn’t sure whether it was the tension or the need to just get it out, but, without thinking, he spoke up.

“I’m pregnant.” He blurted out. Ben and Gwil immediately stopped bickering and turned to look at their friend, who, much to their surprise, looked like he could break out in tears any moment, whereas he had looked like he couldn’t have been happier when he had announced his pregnancies with Ollie and Alfie.

Gwil was the first to speak after a while. “That’s great!” He congratulated him. Joe still didn’t look excited; quite the opposite. “Right?”

Joe shrugged, not trusting his voice enough to speak up.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, scooting closer to Joe and wrapping a comforting arm around him, like Joe had done to him earlier. He sounded worried and Joe couldn’t help but feel guilty about it, as he felt like it should be all about Ben right now. He and Gwil were overjoyed to soon be able to hold their first baby in their arms, and here Joe was sulking about his third.

However, when he looked at Ben beside him, he noticed that the younger man looked very worried and Gwil seemed no different. He knew he wasn’t going to get out of this and although he felt selfish, since one of the reasons he had come today despite not feeling great was that he needed some support, he was glad he had someone to open up to.

So, he figured he might as well tell them about what John had said. “After we had Alfie, John said he didn’t want any more kids, because he was nearing 70 and all.”

“And now you’re scared he won’t be happy?” Ben understood. Joe nodded. “Of course.”

“Of Course? Joe, you’re crazy to think John wouldn’t be happy. That man loves you and your boys to the moon and back.” Gwil tried to assure him. In the back of his mind, Joe knew that was true but he just couldn’t get John’s words out of his head, even though it had been three years by now. The conversation between his husband and his sons that afternoon had only strengthened his insecurity.

“Yes! And he’s an accomplice too!” Ben added.

“I know, but…”

“No buts, you’re both equally responsible! If I’m not mistaken, it takes two people to make a baby.” The youngest of the three reasoned, before suggestively wiggling his eyebrows at Gwil. “At least that’s how we did it.”

Gwil rolled his eyes but agreed with the blonde. “He’s right. This isn’t on you only; John is involved in this just as much as you are. And I’m sure that he’ll be happy when you tell him.” Of course, he didn’t experience John and Joe together every day, but whenever he saw the two together, John wasn’t able to take his eyes off of Joe and his kids. It was rare to not see him smile when surrounded by his family.

“I hope so.” Joe sighed, leaning his head on Ben’s shoulder.

When, a little later, he was sure that Joe felt at least a little better, Gwil stood up and grabbed his phone from his pocket. “Alright. Pizza.”

* * *

To Joe’s surprise, John was still up when he got home, watching some lame romcom that he didn’t seem genuinely interested in. When he heard the sound of the door closing, however, the older man looked up to see his husband had come back and smiled.

“Had a nice night?”

“Yeah, it was great.”

Joe moved to sit on John’s lap. There was nothing sexual to it, he just wanted to be held for a moment, something that John was quick to realize. Joe hummed as he felt the other’s arms around him and buried his face in John’s neck, pressing little kisses to the skin there.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other close and enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

“Is Ben still managing?” John asked after a while. The last time he had seen the blonde, he had seemed incredibly uncomfortable, not really knowing what to do with the growing belly that kept getting in the way more and more.

Joe had also told him that, despite being incredibly happy to be having a baby with Gwil, Ben found it hard to deal with being pregnant. He’d always worked very hard for his body to look like it did and he had been convinced that this would ruin his physique forever. Luckily though, those feelings had diminished with time.

“He’s not terribly excited about the prospect of having to give birth, but he’s fine. He looked better than I ever did while I was pregnant.” Joe mumbled into the bassist’s collar. It was meant as a compliment for Ben, but it came out sounding quite self-deprecating.

“You looked gorgeous.” John assured him. Somehow the only thing that turned him on more than the sight of Joe was the sight of a pregnant Joe and he was determined to make sure the younger man understood that. In a way, it saddened him that he would never see Joe like that anymore, but it was probably for the best.

“I didn’t. I looked like an exhausted whale.”

“Have you ever seen an exhausted whale?”

“Shut up.” Joe tried to swat John’s shoulder, but the older man managed to catch his wrist before he could do so. Sliding his hand from Joe’s wrist to his hand, he kissed the hand gently. It was a simple gesture but it made Joe blush nonetheless.

From the moment they had first met, John had been more romantic than all of Joe’s previous boyfriends combined. Even now, five years, a wedding and two children later, his husband still managed to make Joe fall in love with him all over again every single day.

“Let’s go to bed.” John whispered in a low voice, lips brushing against Joe’s ears, which sent shivers down his spine. The younger man nodded eagerly and wrapped his arms around John’s neck.

“Carry me.”

John laughed, knowing that if he had been twenty years younger, he definitely would’ve, but if holding his kids for too long already caused his back to hurt, carrying Joe would certainly do so.

“Can’t. You’re too heavy.”

Joe feigned an offended look. “Are you calling me fat, old man?”

“Maybe I did. What are you going to do about it?”

As an answer, Joe kissed his husband forcefully and John didn’t need to ask what this was leading up to. His hands flew to his partner’s face, quickly tangling his fingers in the younger man’s hair.

They didn’t make it to the bed, not even close. Instead, Joe ended up riding John on the couch. Happily bouncing in his husband’s lap, Joe noticed the other man’s hands creep up from his hips to his stomach area. Although he was definitely not showing yet and the chance of John feeling anything was smaller than miniscule, he still felt his own hands grab John’s and placed them on his butt; which John didn’t seem to have any objections against.

When they finished, they decided to lay on the couch for a while longer, both of them feeling completely drained. Joe could feel the stickiness between his and John’s tummies but he couldn’t bring himself to care; even less to get up.

Eventually, they realized they had to get to bed (or at least make sure their kids wouldn’t find them naked on the couch like this the next morning). Joe settled on the bed; half on his side and half on John’s. He inhaled the familiar scent of is husband and a smile magically appeared on his face.

John came back from the bathroom to find Joe sprawled out all over the bed with his eyes closed and he just didn’t have the heart to wake him up to move him. Only when Joe moved to lay his head on John’s chest, the older man’s arm quickly finding its way around him, did he realize that he wasn’t asleep at all. In fact, Joe was still wide awake.

It didn’t take long for John to fall asleep. His steady breaths had a soothing and calming effect on Joe, although he had trouble falling asleep himself.

He ended up getting no sleep at all.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe has his first doctor's appointment and the day ends up being a lot more eventful than he expected it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has probably been done for over two weeks but I never really found the time to beta it, until today. I hope it's not too bad; especially after such a long wait.  
> Please enjoy!

One of the things that Joe hated the most about not having told John yet, was that he had to go to his first doctor’s appointment by himself. During his previous ones, John had always been by his side to support him but since he hadn’t dared to tell John the news yet, he would have to face this alone.

Gwil had offered to accompany him and even Ben had done so, but Joe was having none of that. He didn’t want Ben to overexert himself, which he knew was a hypocritical thing to tell the blonde, since Joe himself definitely hadn’t taken it slowly either when he was that far along. And he didn’t want Gwil to be away from home more than he already needed to for work.

Joe had considered asking Roger or Brian to come with him. They had gotten a lot closer since the unexpected chaos that had been Roger’s surprise pregnancy. Initially, they had sought comfort in John, but Joe was a master at reassuring people, which the couple appreciated enormously. Joe just wished that the skill worked on himself too.

In the end, he decided that, despite having become quite close, it might still be a little odd and far-fetched to ask one of the older men to come with him. Especially since that meant that they, too, would have to keep it a secret from John. He couldn’t ask that now that their friendship had become so strong again.

That’s why it had been an immense relief when, two days before his appointment, he received a text from Rami saying he would be landing in London the next day. It was supposed to have been a surprise, but he was too excited about seeing his friends again to not tell them.

Joe felt bad for stealing the other man’s free time, but Rami had assured him it was okay; Lucy was out with a friend anyway and if he hadn’t wanted to spend time with Joe, he wouldn’t’ve messaged him he was coming in the first place.

“Good to see you mate!” Joe exclaimed, excitedly hugging Rami, who couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s enthusiasm.

“Mate? The British are rubbing off on you.” Rami grinned, hugging his friend back.

“You mean John is rubbing off on me.” The younger man corrected him. Although, much to John’s pleasure, Joe had certainly not lost his American accent, he definitely did unknowingly pick up some British slang.

Rami snorted, gently elbowing Joe in the side. “I’m sure he does a lot of rubbing when it comes to you.”

Joe flipped him off but laughed too. His friend wasn’t wrong after all.

“Where is he anyway? Couldn’t come along?” Rami asked. Of course, when Joe asked him if he wanted to come along, he didn’t have to think about it twice. If his friend needed his support, he would get it. But it did strike him as odd that he was the one joining him for the appointment and not his husband.

“He doesn’t know.” Joe admitted, his face falling a little. All of a sudden, the floor was incredibly interesting to look at. He felt Rami grab his arm with a gentle grip.

“He doesn’t know?” Rami repeated, slightly confused.

“It’s stupid, but I’m scared to tell him.” Joe shrugged.

“Why?”

Joe looked up now and a tear rolled down his cheek; which didn’t go unnoticed by Rami, who was quick to comfort him. If he weren’t in public and scared of attracting anyone’s attention, Joe would’ve burst into tears by now but he managed to hold back the sobs he knew would eventually come out later that day.

“After we had Alfie, he said he didn’t want any more kids.” The younger man sniffled.

“Well, you couldn’t have made a baby without him, could you?”

Joe shrugged, which Rami took as a sign to continue.

“If he doesn’t want the baby, he’s an asshole and I will kill him for you. But I can assure you that that won’t happen because that man loves you and his kids more than anything in the world.”

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe. He loves the three of you and he would love a third baby too.”

In the back of his mind, Joe knew that Rami was right; this was on both him and John and although it hadn’t been planned, John would love this child as much as all of his other kids. Still, a part of him was scared that John would be upset about his pregnancy. That was something he’d have to worry about later though.

Rami seemed to sense Joe’s nervousness and decided to change the topic. “How far along are you?”

Joe shrugged; he wasn’t completely sure. He had noticed a slight change in his appearance as there was a tiny little bump that, unless one knew he was pregnant, wasn’t very noticeable. “Three months maybe? I’m already a bit bigger than I usually am.”

He hadn’t given it much thought. If anything, he was glad that he’d only started to experience the obvious symptoms at a later time than during his two other pregnancies. He wouldn’t be mournful about having spent less days hanging over a toilet.

“And is the thing going in…”

Rami didn’t finish his sentence but Joe understood where this was going and shook his head, laughing.

“Not this time.”

When, barely half an hour later, both men were waiting for the image of Joe’s baby to appear on the screen, the amusement was long gone. He had never actually gone to an appointment without John and, even though Rami offered great support, he missed having his husband at his side. He’d have to tell John sooner rather than later; especially since he had already started showing a little.

When his baby finally did appear, he could almost feel his blood run cold. He actually had to blink a few times to see if he was seeing it right, but the doctor’s words were more than enough of a confirmation.

“I think I’ll have to congratulate you again, Joe.” She said excitedly, not noticing that her patient had gone quite pale at the sight of not one, but two little blobs.

Two blobs, meaning two babies.

The image that appeared on the screen had Joe feeling a bit light-headed. He suddenly was incredibly glad that he hadn’t asked Roger to come with him. He could almost imagine the smug smile on the older man’s face. It was quite the opposite of Rami’s facial expression; his friend looked quite confused.

“They’re so tiny.” The older man said, squinting at the screen. If Joe hadn't been so taken aback from what the ultrasound showed him, he would have been amused by how innocent Rami looked and sounded.

“This is karma getting back at me.” Joe muttered, confusing Rami even more.

“What?”

“A few years ago, I teased Roger that he might be having twins because the older you are, the bigger the chance at multiples. And now this!” He gestured angrily at the slight swell of his belly. He wasn’t truly upset by the idea of having not one but two additions to his family, but it was the situation that bothered him. He knew that now, he had even less time to tell John before his husband would figure it out himself.

Rami seemed to be quite amused by the situation, not being able to suppress a smile; something Joe immediately noticed. He swatted at his friend, who moved out of the way to avoid being hit. “Stop it. I’m so fucked.”

Even on their way to the car, Joe kept complaining about karma and unfollowing Roger on Instagram as a punishment, much to Rami’s amusement. As opposed to Joe, he was completely sure that John wouldn’t be angry or disappointed but happy with the prospect of having another baby. Or well, babies. With that in the back of his mind, it was adorable seeing Joe get all worked up about it.

“Twins. Just my luck.” The younger man grumbled as he got back into his car. This meant it’d be even more difficult to hide it from John and he’d be forced to tell him relatively soon. He eased his mind with the thought that, if the conversation they’d had a week earlier was anything to go by, at least his sons would be happy about the news.

“Spit it out, what’s wrong with twins?” Rami raised an eyebrow. During all of his complaining, Joe had completely forgotten that Rami was a twin too. Luckily, he didn’t seem offended and smiled when he saw that Joe still looked distressed.

“You’re going to be fine, Joe.” He comforted the other man, reaching out for his hand to squeeze.

Joe nodded. Maybe he would be.

* * *

“Had fun?” John asked when Joe arrived at home after having dropped off Rami. The older man was in the kitchen, placing his sons’ used mugs in the dishwasher while still keeping an eye on the two, who were drawing some pictures for Rami.

“Yeah, it was nice. We should definitely meet up more often.” Joe tried to say it convincingly but he could tell that John was suspecting something by the way he looked at him.

“Are you hiding something from me?” His husband asked, sounding worried rather than bothered by it. Joe could only hope he hadn’t turned red from the combination of nervousness and fear of John finding out, but it certainly felt that way.

“Why would I?”

John shrugged. “You just seemed a little closed off lately is all.”

It hadn’t escaped John that Joe had been acting rather odd lately. Something made him seem a little less open, but John couldn’t tell when it had started or what exactly it was about. If it was something important, surely Joe would tell him at some point and he wasn’t going to push him.

In return, Joe felt guilty for keeping his pregnancy from John, it was something joyful that they should be happy about. Instead, he just hoped that John wouldn’t find out before he was ready to tell him yet. Joe could tell that he was showing a little already; it must not have been very obvious though, as John hadn’t noticed yet. He just looked a little bloated; if anyone would notice the difference it could easily be played off as bloating from having eaten too much.

He decided to go with a half-truth.

“I just haven’t been feeling great about my body lately. It’s been years since I had Alfie and I still haven’t lost the baby weight.”

John’s frown turned into a sympathetic smile as he took his husband in his arms. “You have no reason to be self-conscious about your body, you’re still gorgeous as ever.”

He kissed his husband’s hair as the younger one nuzzled his sweater, clearly enjoying the comfort of the older man’s embrace. Although it didn’t manage to fully convince Joe, as acceptance was quite a long process, he could tell that John meant what he said. That fact alone raised Joe’s spirits a little.

When he looked up from where he had been hiding his face in his husband’s chest, he spotted their sons watching them from the corner of his eyes. He grinned and captured John’s lips in a soft, chaste kiss.

As he had expected, the display of affection provoked an immediate reaction from their kids.

“Ew!” Ollie scrunched up his face in dislike, his younger brother quickly copying him.

Joe feigned a look of surprise. “You don’t like me kissing your daddy?” He asked, giving his husband another kiss on the mouth when his sons shook their heads.

Soon, he was placing small pecks all over John’s face, resulting in both boys getting up to try to physically stop them from kissing. Of course, both men cooperated, letting them believe that they were actually strong enough. The gleeful faces they received in return were worth more than anything in the world.

Joe dramatically held out an arm, reaching for John who was quick to do the same. “My love, they’re driving us apart!” He fake-wailed, making both boys giggle. Joe could feel two small arms wrapping around his leg as his youngest son tried to push him away even further.

“What’s this little thing I feel there?” Joe asked aloud as he picked up Alfie and lifted him up in the air and on his shoulder. “I´m afraid we can´t keep this little koala, we should bring him back to the zoo.” Joe moved to walk towards the back door when he felt his other son grabbing his leg.

With the laughter of his kids ringing in his ears combined with his husband’s fond smile as he looked at their children, Joe felt a feeling of immense gratitude to have this little family. He decided that his worries about the pregnancy would be for another moment and he would just enjoy the moment. He’d think about how he’d break the news to John later.

* * *

Joe had been fully prepared for a nice, calm evening in with his husband. They had successfully gotten both Ollie and Alfie in bed and asleep by 8, which was quite an achievement nowadays, and had just settled on the couch to watch whatever interesting show they would be able to find on tv.

When Joe’s phone started ringing halfway through a lame romcom that they weren’t really paying attention to, he couldn’t be bothered to answer and snuggled into John instead. It wasn’t until John, rolling his eyes, leaned forward to pick it up from the table that he saw who was calling him.

“Maybe you should take this.” The older man said, seeming a little concerned. “It’s Ben.”

Joe seemed surprised that Ben would call him at such a random time, but took the phone from John nonetheless. After Ben had had a breakdown fairly early on during his pregnancy, Joe had urged him to promise he’d call him whenever he felt like it. Joe knew how hard a pregnancy could be and having someone who had already experienced it before to be there for him had been absolutely invaluable.

“Hello?” Joe asked when he had accepted the call. Ben didn’t answer but after a few seconds he heard a whimper on the other side, followed by some breathing. It took about half a minute before he heard he person on the other side of the line speak.

“I don’t know what’s going on but it hurts.” It broke Joe’s heart to hear the vulnerability in Ben’s voice, which cracked a little at the last word. Worry grew on John’s face when his husband suddenly sat up straight.

“What’s wrong?”

“’I’ve been having these really weird pains,” Ben swallowed audibly, taking a moment to find his voice again, “since about noon.”

For a moment Joe wondered why Ben (or Gwil, more logically) hadn’t called the hospital instead of him considering this had apparently been going on for a while, but by the sound of it Ben really didn’t need a rant on that right now.

He called Joe because he trusted him and Joe, with the experience he had from his own pregnancies, decided he could at least try to see if he could help his suffering friend.

“What does it feel like?”

“Like clenching? But inside? It went away for a few hours but it’s back and it really hurts.”

“Does it hurt more now?”

“I don’t think so?”

Joe felt a lot more at ease after hearing that answer; he was pretty sure they were Braxton Hicks contractions. Although in his personal experience they had never been painful, his research on pregnancy had taught him that for some people this could be the case. Most likely, Ben was one of the unlucky ones.

“It’s probably just Braxton Hicks.” He tried to reassure his friend. He’d been in that same boat and he definitely would’ve panicked too if he hadn’t had John on his side. John had immediately recognized the pain as Braxton Hicks contractions and tried his best to calm Joe down.

“Well, I don’t want them.” Ben snarled, before quickly apologizing for being rude. Joe, of course, took no offense, as he had been in a very similar situation, he understood perfectly how Ben must have been feeling at that moment.

“No one wants them.” Joe grinned. “It should be over soon enough, but it might help a little to relax.”

He could Ben scoff from the other side of the line. “Relax? It fucking hurts man.”

“I know, I know. Would you mind handing me Gwil for a moment?” Joe said, as an idea popped into his head.

“He’s not going into labor, is he?” Gwil seemed almost equally as panicked as Ben and it made Joe’s heart swell a little that he was the first one they’d though of calling in such a distressing situation; that they trusted him and his ‘expertise’ enough to ask him what was going on.

“I don’t think so; it sounds like it’s just Braxton Hicks. Maybe you could run a warm bath for him? That used to work for me.” He glanced at John who seemed to understand what was happening too.

On the other side, Gwil handed the phone back to Ben and some shuffling was heard in the background; most likely Gwil making his way to the bathroom to start running the bath.

“You’re a godsend!” Ben sighed, a hint of pain still present in his voice.

“If it gets worse, I’d advise you to call the hospital before you call us though. Don’t you have a doctor for this anyway?”

“We panicked, alright?”

“I know; it can be scary. Please don’t hesitate to call if you need me.”

Ben hummed. For a few minutes they continued talking, mostly to distract Ben from the pain while Gwil prepared the bath for him. Luckily for the younger man, his fiancé came back to get him soon.

After a cheeky _“will you get in the bath with me then?”_ , Ben and Joe said their goodbyes before Joe hung up.

As he laid the phone back down on the table, Joe noticed John looking at him, smiling cheekily.

“Look at you, the expert!” He teased. Although it was meant to be a joke, he felt incredibly proud that Joe had remained so calm; something that was not exactly the American’s forte. Even more so, he was impressed by the tactful way in which Joe had checked what exactly were Ben’s symptoms and what it most likely meant. By the sound of it, he had managed to calm Ben down.

“Only because of you.” Joe grinned. Had it not been for John, he doubted he would ever have been at the point in his life where he was now; happily married with kids. John had given him everything he’d ever hoped for.

Joe wasn’t sure where he suddenly got the confidence from, may it have been the talk of contractions or the love he felt for his family, but he decided to subtly break the topic of babies with John.

“I’m going to miss it a bit.” He admitted, laying his head down on his husband’s shoulder. He felt John’s head lean against his own as the other came with a witty reply.

“What? False contractions?” John asked with an amused grin. His husband playfully hit his arm, shaking his head.

“No,” Joe snorted, “having a baby in the house.”

Although he said it mainly to find out how John would respond, something he desperately hoped would be positively or at least neutrally, it was far from a lie. Joe had always loved children and he had always longed for a big family of his own. Part of him knew he was lucky to have children with John at all, as many men his age might not be very excited about the prospect of raising children anymore, but there had always been an unspoken wish to have another baby. That being said, his family had already been complete when he had met John; when the kids came, however, things couldn’t be more perfect.

Apart from letting out a thoughtful sigh, John didn’t answer. Joe, unsure of whether that was a positive thing or not, decided to elaborate a little.

“I can’t deny I won’t miss endlessly changing diapers and getting woken up in the middle of the night, but I loved rocking the boys to sleep and finding them upside down in their beds in the morning.” Joe grinned a little at the last memory, thinking back of Alfie´s first night in his new crib, when they found him with his feet where Joe was pretty sure his head had been the night before.

John smiled too, remembering said morning. “Maybe I might just miss it a bit too.”

It was probably a good thing John wasn’t able to see the sudden change of mood Joe experienced at that moment, because the younger man’s face lit up with a genuine, happy smile for the first time since he had found out he was pregnant again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention that the last weeks of Ben’s pregnancy are going to be very tough, which will only increase Joe’s stress level? No? Well, that's definitely the case.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides to share his suspicions and Joe struggles with his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm absolutely shit at updating regularly; for some reason I can easily write the first 2000 words of a chapter and then struggle to get to 3000 and finish it.   
> I hope the wait wasn't too long and that you enjoy the chapter anyway!

Joe was sure he’d never been this stressed in his life; not when had met John, not when they’d gotten together and not even when their kids had been born. In fact, stress might have been too mild of a word to describe his current situation.

It had been just a couple of days since the ultrasound and he could swear he was getting bigger by the day, which meant he didn’t have much time left to tell John or his husband would figure it out himself.

Typing ‘twin pregnancy week by week’ in the search bar on Google hadn’t done much to get rid of his nerves either. If anything, it was a confirmation that he wouldn’t have long left before he’d have to tell John; if the pictures and videos he had found were anything to go by, he’d guess he had about two weeks left before the swell of his belly couldn’t be excused as bloating anymore but would be an unmistakable baby bump. Maybe he could extend it to a month by only wearing oversized hoodies. How did one’s body change so much so fast?

Fortunately, the conversation he and John had the night Ben had called Joe in a panic had managed to calm Joe down a little bit. Hearing John admit that he’d miss having a baby around made Joe feel a little more relaxed. Only for a little while, as there wasn’t just one baby; there were two. And missing having a baby around was not the equivalent of wanting a baby around.

Another source of stress was that Joe had been avoiding being shirtless around John, no matter how much he longed for the older man’s hands on his bare skin. It had earned him some odd looks from John when he had insisted on keeping on his shirt when they had sex. The older man had raised an eyebrow at him but shrugged it off when Joe had sunk down on his cock.

Sex, Joe had learned, was always a good distraction if John seemed suspicious and with his hormones causing him to be twice as horny as usual, he often used it to his advantage. 

Despite that, Joe still tried to wear loose-fitting clothing to not draw any attention to his small bump. It seemed to work, but he knew he couldn’t keep hiding it forever, even if John wouldn’t be able to see it, he would definitely end up feeling while they were intimate.

For now, however, John didn’t have a clue and Joe tried his best to come up with a way to tell him without causing a metaphorical heart attack.

Joe made his way downstairs, realizing he had been the last one to wake up again. John was busying himself with making breakfast while Ollie and Alfie were, yet again, drawing. Joe wasn’t sure where their sudden passion for drawing had come from, but he was rather thankful that they liked it so much, as they were at least calm this way.

“What are you drawing now?” Joe asked his youngest son as he sat down in the chair next to him. The boy didn’t look up at his father but did lean back a bit so the drawing was visible. “This is me and Ollie and uncle Ben’s baby fighting a dinosaur!” Alfie explained excitedly, emphasizing the last word.

If Joe was being honest, he really couldn’t make out neither three humans nor a dinosaur from the scribbles, but the thought of his son coming up with an idea like that was amusing anyway. He’d already made peace with the boy’s obsession with dinosaurs.

Joe kissed the top of his son’s head and made his way over to the kitchen island, where John was making himself some cheese on toast. The older man’s face lit up when he laid eyes on his husband. They greeted each other with a warm smile and a kiss before Joe hopped on the kitchen counter, ignoring John when he told him not to.

They had a casual chat while eating their breakfast, occasionally taking a look at their kids when they wanted to show them a finished drawing. The whole scene felt so incredibly domestic and it filled Joe’s heart with love.

He hadn’t realized just how much he had eaten until John raised an eyebrow when he asked for another toast.

“More?” John chuckled, before nodding. “Alright then. One would think you were pregnant again.”

“Would that be so bad?” Joe asked. He honestly felt like hitting himself as soon as the words left his mouth. If he kept this going, John would surely catch on soon. He vowed to himself not to mention the topic of babies anymore in front of John until the announcement. Apart from some talk about Ben and Gwil’s baby maybe; that wouldn’t cause any suspicion.

“It wouldn’t be the end of the world.” John shrugged. Frankly, he loved kids and had he been twenty or thirty years younger, he would have given Joe as many babies as he wanted. But he was in his seventies now and he did not want to risk leaving Joe to raise such a big family on his own.

Even though he knew this was not the same as John saying he wanted more kids, the words still filled Joe with hope. Apparently, his face showed just that, as John gave him a serious look.

“But we’ve talked about this. I’m too old, Joe. And we already have two beautiful sons.” He ruffled Ollie’s hair as he said it, causing his oldest son to huff and try to fix his hair again.

Joe nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak. To prevent himself from crying, he had to remind himself that John didn’t know about the babies yet and that, if he did, he probably would have responded differently. Probably.

John was feeling a bit suspicious. They had talked about it a few years ago and both him and Joe agreed that their family was complete and that, due to John’s age, it wouldn’t be wise to have more kids. Yet, the past few days Joe had been subtly mentioning a potential third baby on several occasions. Maybe Ben’s pregnancy had caused him to become broody again; he could remember that, when they were younger, he himself had definitely felt broody every time Roger had fallen pregnant.

The older man decided to just shrug it off for the time being and made a mental note to ask Joe about it the next time he’d mention it. Right now, he had something else to worry about; how was he going to survive his sons’ playdate at Roger and Brian’s?

* * *

“What do you mean he’s acting weird?” Roger asked as he watched his husband set a tray with three cups of coffee and three colorful cups of lemonade down on the wooden table. The three of them were sat in the garden of Brian and Roger’s house; they were just having a bit of a chat while also keeping an eye on their children, who were currently playing on the little playground.

John shrugged. “He’s acting a bit distant, really. He's nostalgic about the boys growing up and he keeps mentioning babies.”

Brian smiled a knowingly, recalling the behavior from whenever Roger used to get a little broody. “Does he want another baby?”

“Seems like it.” John had to admit. He was glad it wasn’t just him that thought Joe’s behavior was a bit odd.

“Maybe he already is pregnant.” Roger wiggled his eyebrows, not being able to suppress a smirk. The younger man seemed less amused by it and shrugged. “I think he would have told me if he was.”

Roger held his hands up in defense, although the amused expression hadn’t left his face. Luckily, Brian seemed a bit more sympathetic.

“Wouldn’t you want another baby? You love children!”

“We can’t have another baby! I mean, I don’t think we should have another one, considering my age, I’m getting too old for that.” His words earned him glares from both Brian and Roger. John immediately realized how that must have sounded; as if he was judging them for making the conscious decision not to terminate the pregnancy when Roger had miraculously fallen pregnant at 69. Luckily, the two didn’t look very angry; they understood where John was coming from.

“I didn’t think that we’d be sat here, in our seventies, watching our 3-year old kids play either, yet here we are!” Roger gestured to where the kids were taking turns sliding of the slide and giggling like mad.    

“Ollie’s 4.”

Roger rolled his eyes and leaned forward, placing his hand on John’s knee. “The point is that your age doesn’t determine whether you’d still be a good dad to another child. We were 70 and 72 and I’d like to think that we’re doing a damn good job.”

“You guys are doing amazing.” He complimented the couple. He truly meant what he said; it was incredible how well and how quickly Brian and Roger had taken to becoming parents again. It wasn’t easy to take care of a young child at their age, but they were truly doing a marvelous job at it.

“And so would you.” Brian reassured him. “We’re not saying that you should have another baby if you don’t want to, but if it were to happen, don’t worry about it too much. You’ll be just fine.” 

The guitarist knew John wouldn’t actually be upset about another baby if Joe would unexpectedly fall pregnant, but the younger man looked like he could need some encouraging words. Brian did truly believe everything would be fine though. Fortunately, it had worked out for him and Roger and it would work out for John too; he even had the luck of having a young partner that could chase the kids if they ran away and carry them when John’s back got sore.

Roger nodded, agreeing with his husband. “And you have a huge support system in case it gets too exhausting. Trust me, make use of it whenever you get an offer.”

John grinned, but Roger’s face remained serious. “Seriously, I though getting older was all about relaxing but I’ve never slept less than I have the past few years.”

Roger may groan and moan about exhaustion and lack of sleep all he wanted, but all three men knew he wouldn’t change this life for anything. There was nothing in life that he loved more than Brian and their children.

“They’re something else, aren’t they?” John smiled as the other two nodded in agreement. The kids were truly a blessing.

“We have cookies!” The guitarist announced, immediately attracting the kids’ attention and prompting them to storm towards the adults who were still sat at the table.

“COOKIES!” Sounded what was indisputably a Taylor-scream.

Brian made an attempt to shush the child but the enthusiasm at the sight of the cookies was too strong. Still, John could see Brian beam when he lifted the little one to sit on his lap.

To the sound of the kids happily munching on their cookies and his friends bickering about how the majority of their kids had inherited Roger’s tendency of being way too loud all the time, John truly felt like it these could’ve been the eighties; nothing had changed.

* * *

“How was the playdate?” Joe asked, although his husband’s body language already gave away that it had been a rather exhausting afternoon. Luckily, their sons had come back looking rather cheerful and full of energy, indicating that they’d had a good time.

“I’m not sure whether it was a sugar rush or just Roger’s genes, but…” Instead of finishing the sentence, the older man let himself fall on the couch and let out a deep sigh, causing Joe to chuckle as he sat down next to him.

“That bad?” He asked, rubbing his husband’s shoulder sympathetically, despite being a bit amused. The kids gave John a lot of energy but drained it just as easily.

“I’ve seen eight of their kids grow up already but none of them were nearly this energetic.” And, quite obviously, it had rubbed off on Ollie and Alfie, who were now running around the living room playing tag.

That was yet another thing that worried Joe; he had two very energetic toddlers around pretty much all the time. Although John was in his seventies now, he was still very active and playfully running after the kids in the backyard was no problem. Still, when it came to chasing the kids in a non-playful way, it was all up to Joe, because when they really wanted to, the boys could be surprisingly fast. In a few months, he wouldn’t be able to do so anymore.

The younger man shrugged. “Look at it from the bright side; the boys will be exhausted by the time they go to bed…”

 Joe didn’t have to finish the sentence for John to get the hint. The older man instantly smirked cheekily and planted a kiss on the other’s mouth.

John may have been a bit older than Joe’s earlier lovers, but when it came to stamina and satisfying skills, he was by far number one. The older man always took great care not only preparing Joe, but making sure to pleasure him while he was at it. Sometimes he already had Joe shaking before they’d had any actual intercourse.

This time, however, Joe wasn’t sure whether his suggestion had been such a good plan. Despite having used sex as a distraction technique recently, it had been a couple of days since they last had been intimate and, as Joe was convinced he was getting bigger every day, he knew he had to make sure that John kept his hands away from the stomach area.

When after dinner, they had taken the boys to bed, Joe felt his stress level increase dramatically.

Surely, after the conversation that morning, John would put one and one together when he saw Joe’s little belly. He’d be able to play it off as bloating to other people, but John was smart enough to realize what was going on.

Joe temporarily forgot about his worries when John kissed his way from the younger man’s neck to his mouth. The kiss quickly intensified as Joe allowed his husband to slip his tongue into his mouth. They hadn’t even made it to their bedroom, instead having started making out in the middle of the hall.

The American let out a little squeak when he felt John lift him up. The older man had done so before, but Joe still worried about John potentially getting hurt. Not even a month ago, John had refused to carry Joe when he had asked, claiming his back wasn't strong enough; Joe didn't want to risk the older man pulling a muscle now.

“Be careful!” He scolded his husband, who just laughed it off as he carried the younger man to their bedroom. Luckily, it wasn't that far.

“I’m not that weak yet.” John grinned as he laid Joe down on their bed before taking off his sweater. He climbed onto the bed, settling in a comfortable position above Joe, who promptly reached up to kiss his husband.

Not a minute later, Joe found himself lying on his back, shirt still on with the excuse of being cold and with his legs swung over John’s shoulder.

Although Joe tried to enjoy it (which he did to a certain extent, as John was an absolutely marvelous lover), he kept worrying that maybe John would slip his hands under the shirt and would be able to feel his small bump.

John had other things on his mind though; his full attention seemed to be focused on pleasuring Joe and making sure the younger man felt good. The bassist’s eyes didn’t leave the actor’s face even once. Joe found it rather romantic and decided two reward his husband with a kiss every time he hit the right spot.

The four days of involuntary abstinence had caused them to become desperate for each other, hence why it didn’t take long before both men reached their orgasms.

When they had come down from their high, John noticed that, despite looking, as Freddie always used to put it, _‘freshly fucked’_ , Joe did not seem very happy. It was a rather odd contrast when compared to earlier that afternoon, when he had naughtily suggested they do this.

It wasn’t the first mood swing John had noticed in the younger man. Maybe Joe was longing for a baby so badly that it had affected his moods. For the second time that day, John made a mental note to have a serious conversation about it with his husband; but first he had to make sure that Joe was okay.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly. The younger man didn't answer, just shrugged.

“You’re so distracted all the time.” The bassist noted. He ran his hand over Joe’s head, softly caressing the younger man’s hair. Joe just mumbled in response, leaning into his husband’s touch.

He wasn’t sure what had tipped him over the edge, but all of a sudden it got too much and he couldn’t keep it in anymore. He burst out into sobs, tears almost immediately making their way down his face. John’s heart broke seeing it.

He felt himself being pulled into his husband, who wrapped an arm tightly around him. Joe gratefully took the opportunity to bury his face in John’s bare chest; partly to prevent John from actually seeing him cry and partly to muffle his sobs so he wouldn’t wake up the boys.

John let his young husband cry for a good minute, before attempting to create some distance between them to be able to look Joe in the eyes. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks wet and new tears kept rolling down his face; yet to John, Joe was still the most beautiful man on earth.

“What’s this love? What’s upset you so much?”

Joe shrugged. He was upset about the pregnancy but if he had to be honest, he hadn’t expected this breakdown either.

“You can tell me anything, you know that right?” He asked, wiping away a few tears with his thumb before kissing the tip of Joe’s nose. John was pleased to see the tiniest hint of a smile on his husband’s face.

The younger man nodded. “I know.”

_He really won’t be angry, Joe. Just tell him._

Instead, he tried to almost literally bury himself in John’s chest, sighing when the older men moved a little so they could both lay down. He knew that this was what it was always going to be like; even if John knew about the new additions to their family. He had felt the same way the first time he had fallen pregnant and, looking at where they were now, he could say it had worked out quite well.

Still, he didn’t feel completely ready to announce his pregnancy; even if he knew he’d have to do it soon.

“Let’s just cuddle now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so tempted to let Joe confess already but decided to let him suffer and struggle a bit longer, poor guy...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe realizes that he is really running out of time now. Then he gets a text from Ben, saying that they need to have a videocall urgently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I decide to finally add some happiness? Yes, I did.
> 
> There is still going to be some serious stuff in there, but I'd say this is a pretty positive chapter, for a change.

Joe’s suspicion of getting bigger by the day seemed to be confirmed; he had come to a point where his favourite jeans barely fit without the button digging into his stomach, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

He knew he was running out of time, especially now that John was getting suspicious. He was distancing himself from Joe and it was really taking its toll on their relationship. Joe knew he was guilty of forcing a distance between them too, but that didn’t make it hurt any less; it felt like John didn’t want him anymore.

They hadn’t had sex anymore since Joe’s breakdown and all the kisses they had shared since felt forced. Joe hated it and wanted it to be over already; he wanted to tell John, hear the older man say he was happy about the babies and for them to continue enjoying the family they’d created together.

Still, he was still unsure of how he should announce it to John. In a way, telling Gwil, Ben and Rami had been a lot easier, as he had been sure they’d be nothing but supportive of him. Deep down he knew that John would support him too, but something was holding him back.

So, he focused on his boys. He doted on whatever they did and cuddled them every chance he got, scared that it wouldn’t be like this anymore as soon as John was informed of the fact that in a few months, the number of children in the house would double.

This, combined with the knowledge that his best friend was nearing the 8-month mark and was getting more and more stressed by the day, was absolutely exhausting. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t keep everything in anymore. It was a miracle that John hadn’t interrogated him after the breakdown he’d had.

It had become so bad that even the kids had noticed a change. Or well, Ollie did. Alfie just enjoyed all the extra cuddle time he was getting while his brother was at school.

And then the question had come up, out of nowhere.

Joe had just picked the older boy up from school and was making sure he was well strapped in. Ollie was excitedly telling him all about what they had done in class and about his friends.

“Milly does ballet. Can I do ballet?” He asked. The excitement on his face made Joe want to race to the nearest dance studio to sign his son up for some lessons. He made a mental not to himself to tell John so they could look at some local dance studios together and pick out the one that fit Ollie best.

Just as he was about to answer, he felt the nausea kick in again. He used his left hand to steady himself, using the car to keep himself upright. His right hand went straight to his stomach; something that caught Ollie’s attention.

“Do you have a baby too?”

Had it been anyone else asking, Joe would have felt offended. He knew that, although any adult taking a good look at his small bump would at least consider the possibility that he was pregnant, it wasn’t obvious enough for there not to be another explanation. But hearing his 4-year old son, whose only reference for having a baby was Ben’s large bump, asking him if he was having a baby too, startled him.

It was an innocent question really. He probably assumed that anyone touching their stomach like Ben did a lot lately was having a baby, but it still made Joe feel a bit self-conscious.

He couldn’t blame the boy, though. He was right, after all.

“Why do you think I have a baby, sweetheart?” Joe asked, admittedly a little nervous for the answer. Kids could be rather tactless, although he knew he shouldn’t take any remarks personally.

“Well, uncle Ben has a baby and he always has his hand on his tummy too.”

Joe felt relieved. Partially because he wasn’t showing enough for his son to notice yet, but mostly because of the boy’s excited smile.

It was risky, Joe was aware of that, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to lie to his son. Ollie was nearing the age where he’d make memories he’d actually remember when he’d be older and he didn’t want to risk Ollie remembering Joe lying to him. On top of that, it just didn’t feel right to not tell him the truth.

“Can you keep a secret?” The little boy nodded gleefully. “You can’t tell daddy yet, it’s a surprise, okay?”

Ollie nodded again, full of excitement, and leaned his head a bit closer to Joe, as far as the car seat’s belts allowed him to.

“I don’t have a baby.”

The boy’s face fell, clearly disappointed.

“I have two babies.”

Ollie’s eyes widened as he began to giggle enthusiastically. He reached his hands forward, waving them around frantically. It took a moment for Joe to realize what he meant, but it quickly became clear that he wanted to touch Joe’s tummy. Joe smiled as he stepped closer to his son, two little hands immediately touching his small bump.

“Can the babies hear me?” Ollie asked, not taking his eyes off Joe’s belly. He seemed to be in absolute awe, mouth hanging open a bit as he now started poking his father's swollen middle. “No, dear.”

The boy pouted for a moment, then smiled again as another question came to his mind. “Are you going to be as big as uncle Ben?”

Joe laughed, amused by both the question and his son’s enthusiasm. “Well, uncle Ben has only one baby and I have two, so I’m going to be even bigger than uncle Ben.”

“Even bigger?” He exclaimed incredulously.

“Yes, even bigger. But remember, don’t tell daddy yet. And you can’t tell Alfie either, it’s our little secret.” Joe pretended to lock his mouth with an invisible key, Ollie following suit while giggling like a maniac.

Joe felt bad for having told yet another person before announcing his pregnancy to John, but he couldn’t find it in him to regret it when he saw how excited and happy Ollie looked. He quickly glanced in the rearview mirror to see his son beaming as he asked question after question about the babies; questions Joe was more than happy to answer.

* * *

“You look a bit sick, love. Are you alright?” Joe heard John’s voice ask from behind him. The small wave of nausea he felt when picking up Ollie had done little to prepare him for this. He hadn’t been able to leave the bathroom for at least the past hour.

“I think I caught the fresher’s flu.” Joe grinned, knowing that it would make John crack up. And he was right; although John was rather worried about his husband’s physical state, he couldn’t help but smile.

“And in what exactly are you a fresher?”

Joe shrugged. “Handling toddlers? Not everyone is experienced as you, Mr. Deacon.”

The older man grinned back at him, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m serious though, love. What’s wrong?”

“Probably just the flu, nothing you need to worry about.” Joe tried to assure John, reaching out to stroke his cheek while doing so. He hated worrying his husband. All he wanted at the moment was to tell his husband about the babies. At this point, he was surprised the older man hadn’t even noticed yet, despite his suspicions.

“If you say so.” John mumbled, not sounding very convinced but deciding not to dig any deeper. “Have you talked to Ben again?”

Joe felt a bit relieved that his husband had dropped the subject, although he knew that he’d have to tell John eventually. He was happy to talk about Ben instead for a moment though.

“I have, he’s doing a lot better. Still scared as fuck about the birth though.” Joe said, face lighting up a bit and ignoring the warning look John gave him for using ‘fuck’ while the kids could just walk in and hear it.

“Is he making you feel broody?”

Although he couldn’t see it himself, Joe was sure he had just turned as red as a tomato at John’s question. “Why would you think that?” He stammered, trying not to sound nervous but failing miserably.

John simply raised a brow and Joe realized that he needed to shut up about babies at all times from this moment on. Either that or he should just tell John.

Feeling Joe’s discomfort, John quickly took his hand. “I’m not angry, love. I get why you would feel that way. When Roger had Lilly, I couldn’t stop thinking and talking about babies even if I tried.” He admitted, hoping it would make Joe feel a little less uncomfortable about it.

“And poor Veronica had to deal with the consequences of that?”

John sighed. “You’re trying to change the subject.”

Joe was trying to change the subject, yes. He didn’t feel entirely comfortable talking about feeling broody with the knowledge that they had agreed not to have more kids _and_ that he was already pregnant. However, he knew that if he would lie about it, he’d only dig a deeper hole for himself.

“Maybe a little.” He admitted, thinking for a moment before quickly adding a whispered “yes.”.

The older man nodded, suddenly feeling very guilty. He knew that if it weren’t for him, Joe might have had a big family; much like the one he and Veronica had created. He’d love to give that to Joe, but he had serious doubts of whether he was going to be able to handle that and the idea of himself passing away in a few years, leaving Joe behind with all the little kids, didn't help matters.

However, seeing how well Brian and Roger had handled unexpectedly becoming parents again at this age, made him think that maybe, just maybe, having another baby wouldn’t be a terrible idea. Brian and Roger were doing a marvelous job and he himself even had the luck of having a young husband. On top of that, he was sure that his kids would be just as supportive and helpful as Brian and Roger’s had been, if necessary.

Still, his mind was filled with thoughts of what could go wrong.

Joe recognized the gloomy look on John’s face, immediately feeling bad for making John feel that way. “No, don’t blame yourself for it. I knew when we started this that it was all going to be different from how I imagined family life to be. Going into this, I never expected to have children at all, yet here we are.”

So much for not digging a deeper hole for himself. He had basically tried to assure John that he was okay with not having more kids. Had you asked him a few months ago, it would even have been true. He was happy with his two little boys and his family was complete. However, being pregnant and knowing that two more little babies were on the way, he would never want to get rid of them or even imagine a life without them. He wanted these babies as much as he had wanted Ollie and Alfie.

It seemed to cheer John up for a moment though, so Joe decided to count that as a win; he couldn’t stand seeing his husband sad and especially not if he was the reason.

“Maybe you can borrow the baby from time to time.” John smiled, feeling relieved that he wasn’t making Joe feel unhappy or disappointed by preferring not to have another child.

“Maybe.”

* * *

It didn’t come as a complete surprise to Joe when Ben sent him a WhatsApp message later that night. They always made sure to talk on a daily basis, after all. What did come as a surprise was that the message said they needed to have a videocall. Right away.

Joe was half-expecting Ben to be in a full-panic mode again, but to his great relief, this wasn’t the case. It took barely three seconds for Ben to accept Joe’s request for a videocall and when the older man saw his friend’s face appear, it was excitement and glee that greeted him.

“Look at this!” The blond exclaimed enthusiastically, ignoring his fiancé laughing in the background. He angled his phone differently, allowing Joe to see his stomach. The younger man’s shirt was rolled up, the fabric resting on top of his belly.

Joe wasn’t sure what he was supposed to look at until, out of nowhere, the baby started moving. Of course Joe had experienced his own babies kicking, sometimes visible from the outside, but it had never been as clear as this. Whereas in Joe’s case it had looked like a human thumb poking his belly from the inside, this almost looked like a headbutt, or even a full body slam.

“That’s amazing! She’s quite the soccer player already.”

“Football player, but yes.” Ben didn’t seem to care about Joe’s American terming like he usually did, as he quickly started rambling, telling Joe all about how it felt and how active she had been in general.

Joe was happy to see Ben like this. He knew the younger man was still terrified by the idea of having to give birth, but the baby itself clearly seemed to excite him. Joe couldn’t remember seeing him smiling as brightly as this at any point during the past few months.

“Have you told him yet?”

Joe looked confused for a moment, not even having noticed Ben’s change of topic. He was too caught up in watching him beam and glow. Besides, he had hoped to avoid this topic. His friend would most definitely scold him for not having told John yet.

“No.” He admitted.

Ben focused the camera back on his face, Gwil settling behind him to fit in the frame too. Joe couldn’t help but feel a little jealous when he saw Gwil’s hand softly caressing the top of Ben’s still exposed belly. All he wanted right now was for John to do that to him.

“Maybe we can take the boys for an evening so you can go on a date or something. Have a nice dinner, get him laid and then tell him.” The blond proposed.

Joe looked hesitant. Normally, he would’ve agreed in a heartbeat but Ben was over seven months pregnant now and Ollie and Alfie could be quite a handful. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You can’t really chase them anymore if they get annoying.”

“I wasn’t planning on chasing after them anyway, I have Gwil for that.” The younger man grinned. “Besides, they’re never annoying when they’re here.”

“Because you give them everything they want.”

The other men nodded, not even trying to deny that that was true. Curiously, the boys always seemed to be on a sugar high after having spent time with Ben and Gwil.

“Seriously Joe, you need to tell him as soon as possible. I don’t think he’ll appreciate you having told us and Rami before him, don’t make it even worse.”

“I told Ollie today.” Joe blurted out, not really sure why; surely they’d also realize he was only making matters worse for himself. “I didn’t plan on it, but he asked me and he just looked so excited that I couldn’t lie.”

Ben and Gwil didn’t look like they were judging Joe for what he had done, but they did look rather unimpressed, which Joe completely understood. “You told a four-year-old? Are you sure he’s not going to let it slip to John?”

“I’m not really worried about that. He thinks it’s very exciting to have a little secret between the two of us.”

“Little secret?” Gwil asked, raising a brow. “It’s not going to be little for long.”

“He doesn’t mind keeping it from John.” The American shrugged, ignoring the fact that, unfortunately, Gwil was right; his bump had gone from looking flat to heavily bloated in no time and it was only going to get worse the further along he got.

The American was startled by the sudden voice of his husband behind him. “Who needs to keep what from me”

“Cheese on toast. Everyone should keep that from you.” The younger man joked, cracking a smile. His husband merely sighed, slightly amused but also aware that they were definitely not talking about cheese on toast.

Ben, sensing that John was feeling kind of suspicious, decided to come to his friend’s rescue. “John, mate! Look!”

In a second, John had forgotten all about what the younger men had been talking about. Even after eight kids, it still marveled him to see a baby move. Especially knowing that pregnancy wasn’t easy on Ben and having seen him either sad or sick for most of the past seven months, it was rather moving to see him happy like this. He couldn’t help but grin at the blond.

“Quite the kicker, I see.”

Ben nodded enthusiastically. “She is!”

Joe was relieved that that the tension was gone now and he felt even more relieved to see John converse with Ben, who was very animatedly explaining what the movement inside his belly felt like. The older man seemed genuinely interested in what the other man was saying and it was clear to see that he was very happy for him.

Joe needed to remind himself that John being happy for Ben and Gwil and their daughter did not automatically mean he’d welcome two more babies of his own with open arms. Babysitting an extra child every now and then was different than caring for two babies in addition to two other kids 24/7.

They talked for a little while longer. Ben continued to tell them all about how active the baby had been lately and every now and then he was interrupted by Gwil telling them what disgusting combinations of food his fiancé had come up with.

“I should hang up; I still want to show Brian and Roger before she stops.” Ben subtly tried to bring the conversation to an end. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy talking to John and Joe, because he did, especially now, but he felt it was only right to inform his unofficial adoptive parents about the baby’s new favourite hobby. After all, he had also demanded that Brian update him and Gwil on a bi-weekly basis during Roger’s pregnancy, so it was only fair for him to do the same.

Joe tried his best not to look disappointed. Talking to Ben meant an excuse to talk about babies; talking about babies other than Ben and Gwil’s meant even more suspicion from John’s part. Apparently, words weren’t even needed. Joe’s eyes said more than enough and John instantly understood his husband’s reaction.

He took him into his arms first thing after Ben had ended the call. Joe was happy he could resist bursting out in tears again, but he couldn’t suppress a small sob. He felt John press a soft kiss to his hair.

“You know, if you really want another baby, I can think about it. Just please don’t get your hopes up too much, alright?”

They both knew that the words were mainly meant to comfort Joe and that it was unlikely John would change his mind. Joe decided to take what he could get though and cuddled up to his husband, wriggling around until he was in a comfortable position. He breathed in the scent that was just so typically John and decided that he no longer wanted to lie to this man; he loved him too much for that.

A week.

A week is what Joe told himself he had to tell John about the babies. For now, John’s amazing cuddling abilities seemed to be enough to relieve the younger man of a bit of stress. He only hoped that one day, the babies would also be blessed to enjoy this man’s incredibly warm cuddles.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some hope for Joe! John isn't completely convinced that he's capable of taking care of another child, though.  
> Oh well, he's going to give it some though and we can only wait to see what he decides.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe plans on telling John and the boys spend the night at Ben and Gwil's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been fucking ages since I last updated, I'm very much aware of that and it definitely wasn't planned. I've been a bit all over the place mentally and university is a bitch, but I have a month off now, so I hope to get at least one more chapter up within that time.
> 
> Hope the chapter was worth the wait (although this is a bit all over the place too).

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Ben is nearing eight months now.” John looked hesitant about Joe’s proposal to leave the boys with Ben and Gwil so that they could have some alone time. He fully trusted the two, but knowing that Ben was around the eight month-mark now, he wasn’t sure whether it was such a great idea.

“It’ll be fine, he proposed it himself. Said we needed an evening alone without the kids.” Joe reassured his husband with a sly smile. The older man still looked hesitant.

Joe moved forward to wrap his arms around his husband’s neck. “Hey, don’t worry so much. They’re going to be absolutely fine and in the unlikely case that Ben goes in labor or something, they can just call. We’ll keep the sounds of our phones on, okay?”

John knew he had already lost; if Joe set his mind on something, he pretty much always managed to get his way. And if not, he’d try using puppy eyes on his husband, which was a guarantee for success.

The older man nodded, earning him a broad smile from Joe. The younger man made a leap forward to hug him, the force almost knocking him down. “You won’t regret this!”

John chuckled, unsure of whether that was true. He loved his husband dearly but it wouldn’t be the first time something hadn’t gone according to plan.

“I’m serious!” Joe tried to convince him, knowing that his husband was all too familiar with his mischievous ways, despite also loving him for it. This time, however, he did not intent to joke around. The conversation they would need to have was serious and Joe knew his husband wouldn’t exactly be happy if he dropped the ‘I’m pregnant again and this time there are two babies’-bomb on him

“Sure you are.” John said, but a little smirk appeared on his face, not going unnoticed by Joe.

The younger man wrapped his arms around his husband’s waist and leaned into him, keeping enough distance for John not to notice the small bump. He batted his eyelashes in attempt to elicit a laugh from his husband and succeeded.

“Alright you, go tell your sons they’re having a sleepover then.” John said, shaking his head as he watched his husband skip off into the hall and up the stairs to inform the boys. The excited cheers coming from the floor above him was enough to realize that maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. The boys loved going to Ben and Gwil’s, Ben and Gwil loved having the boys over and John would finally have an evening alone with his husband again. God knows it had been too long since they had last been able to get into anything intimate without being interrupted.

He made a mental note to himself to ask Joe why he’d been acting so odd lately. John had a feeling that he was indeed getting broody again now that the end of Ben’s pregnancy was nearing and there was the prospect of being around a baby again on a regular basis.

They really needed to talk about this whole baby business.

* * *

“Look who’s here? Are these my two favourite little men?” Ben asked as he opened the door, only for the two boys to immediately leap forward to wrap themselves around the blond man’s legs, completely ignoring Joe’s pleas to be careful with uncle Ben.

Ben didn’t seem to mind; he loved the attention he got from his friends’ kids. Plus, the fact that he seemed to be good with them (proven by how excited they were to see him) gave him some confidence for how well he would handle things when his little girl would be their age.

“When is the baby going to come out?” Alfie asked, gently petting Ben’s prominent bump, before urging John to lift him a bit so he could give the bump a little kiss. While John, Ben and Gwil just smiled at how excited the little boy seemed, they were completely oblivious to how Joe was trying his best to hold back happy tears. After having told Ollie and seeing how he enthusiastic he was, this was all the reassurance he needed; the last nudge in the back to get him to tell John.

Gwil smiled as he crouched down next to the boys, informing them that there was a plate of cookies waiting for them on the table in the living room. The kids let go of the blond man’s legs in favour of stuffing themselves with the baked goods.

“They’re a bit excited, as you can see.” John explained, smiling apologetically. Sometimes he wondered how it was even possible that he kept up with the two rascals at all; they seemed to be more active than all of his other kids combined.

“Of course they are! They absolutely love me!”

Joe snorted. “Fair enough. I mean, their brains aren’t fully developed yet, so-“. The American didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, as one of the blond’s arms came swinging at him. He ducked to avoid the hand about to hit him and quickly made his way to where his sons were sat in the living room to give them a goodbye kiss. And maybe it was partially because he knew that Ben wouldn’t be able to keep up with him in this condition. He’d have to make good use of it for as long as it lasted.

Ben, looking just a tiny bit annoyed, followed Joe at half the older man’s speed, the slight waddle noticeable to the two men still standing in the doorway.

Gwil shook his head as he watched the two go, before turning to John. “Maybe we should follow our husbands before they kill each other.”

As they made their way into the living room too, they saw Joe helping Ben lower himself onto the couch, the boys immediately jumping onto it too so they could snuggle.

“Don’t be surprised if they stay in that position the entire night.” Joe grinned, watching the boys attach themselves to Ben’s sides.

He would probably be right. They’d been incredibly excited about the baby from the start and had been babbling about what they’d do with the little girl once she was born the entire ride to Ben and Gwil’s house. Getting them to go back home the next day sure was going to be a challenge.

“We’re leaving boys. Be nice to uncle Ben and uncle Gwil, alright?”

A chorus of yeses was heard, but neither boy looked up. Apparently, Ben was way more entertaining.

John rolled his eyes and mumbled something about apparently not being worth looking at anymore as he, Joe and Gwil made their way back outside.

Gwil gently grabbed Joe’s arm when he and John were on their way to the car, pulling him aside for a moment. “You really need to tell him, you know.”

Joe sighed. “I know. I’m planning on it.”

“I’m serious. If you don’t, he’ll find out himself and I don’t think he’d be terribly excited about having been kept in the dark for so long.”

“I will tell him. Really.” Joe assured his friend, who still didn’t look entirely certain that the older man wouldn’t back out, but nodded anyway.

John had reached the car by then and looked curious about what the two were talking about. “Joe?” He called out, causing his husband to turn around immediately. “I'm coming!”

Gwil shot him a grin. “Bet that won’t be the last time you said that tonight.”

“Shut up.” Joe walked away, but not before flipping the younger man off.

John was still confused as to what the conversation had been about; he had heard them talking but hadn’t actually managed to understand what they were saying. “What was that about?”

“Just Gwilym Lee being an asshole.” Joe reassured him. “Now let’s go home and you can see mine.”

John groaned audibly but still managed to smile a little as he pulled out of the Lee house’s driveway. This man was surely going to be the death of him one day.

* * *

Only an hour and a half later, John found himself surprised by Joe running in and out of the kitchen, setting up what looked like a fancy dinner for two. Or well, minus the fancy (though Joe had at least tried).

“To what do I owe this?” John asked as eyed his husband suspiciously, while he was in the middle of the process of lighting some candles. The younger man just shrugged and smiled. “Nothing in particular.”

It took a moment for it to dawn on John. If it wasn’t something he did, it must be something Joe did, which probably meant no good. His expression changed from confused to suspicious. “What did you do?”

Joe feigned a look of innocence. “What is that supposed to mean? I am a literal angel!”

John seemed unimpressed and let out a snort, to his husband’s dismay. “You? An angel? Remember when you and Roger challenged the kids to stay awake until the fireworks on New Year’s Eve?”

“That was Roger’s idea!” Joe defended himself. It was true, but he himself had also been a little curious whether they’d make it and had even tried to help them stay awake by feeding the four of them candy, much to Brian and John’s annoyance.

“Doesn’t surprise me, but it doesn’t surprise me either that you just went along with it.” John gave him a pointed look.

Joe scoffed. “You and Brian just have no sense of humour.”

“Thanks to you two, they were dead asleep by midnight, they missed the whole thing!”

The four kids had not been happy when they woke up the next morning, angry that they had missed ‘all the pretty lights’. Brian had later told them that the twins had refused to even talk to him and Roger for three days straight; they definitely inherited the drummer’s temperament, that much had become clear.

“There’s always next year,” Joe shrugged, “but let’s not get into that now.”

He finished lighting the last candle before putting away the lighter. Being the gentleman that he was, he held out John’s chair for the older man to sit down on. John raised an eyebrow at him, still not sure where this evening was going but also not opposed to finding out.

“It’s so quiet here.” Joe only now noticed how silent the house seemed without the two boys running around.

John nodded in agreement. “We’re never really alone anymore, are we?”

A grin broke out on Joe’s face, holding out his glass of non-alcoholic wine (something which didn’t strike John as odd, considering they drank it regularly ever since they had the boys). “Let’s make good use of it then.”

* * *

“Is the baby going to be here soon?” Alfie asked, his little hand softly stroking Ben’s bump. It had become clear rather quickly that a cartoon marathon wasn’t necessary; the baby’s movements provided enough entertainment for the two boys.

Ben grinned. “Yes, she is. Just a little while longer. Are you going to be a good cousin for her?”

The little boy nodded excitedly. “The best.”

“Definitely.”

“Is she going to be here very soon then?” He then asked.

Ben chuckled, amused by the combination of impatience and excitement. “Yes.”

“Today?”

Ben laid his right hand on his bump between the four little ones and grinned at his husband, who just walked in with some hot chocolate for the kids. “I sure hope not.”

His brother’s question apparently reminded Ollie of what his father had told him when he had picked him up from school a few days earlier. He first looked at Ben and then up at Gwil, tilting his head to the side just a little in curiousness. “When are papa’s babies going to come?”

Gwil’s eyes found Ben’s in less than a second, both expressing panic in regards to whether the smaller boy had heard his brother. Alfie didn’t seem to have heard his older brother, as he was still completely focused on Ben.

Still, Gwil decided it was best to take Ollie apart from a moment; he knew it wasn’t his intention but they’d rather not have Alfie overhear and babble to John, in case Joe suddenly backed out of telling him.

“Did I do something bad?” Ollie asked, bottom lip trembling slightly. Gwil hadn’t even realized that the way he had suddenly taken Ollie to a separate room might have come off as if the little boy had done something wrong.

He smiled warmly and shook his head. “Of course not. I just wanted to talk about your papa’s babies for a moment.”

The boy’s lip stopped trembling almost immediately and the sad look on his face made place for an excited one.

“Papa is having two babies!”

A smile made its way onto Gwil’s face; his excitement was contagious. “I know, buddy. But your papa only told you about the babies, Alfie doesn’t know yet.”

Ollie nodded in understanding, but still looked curious.

“If you keep it a secret, maybe you and your papa can surprise Alfie later.” Gwil proposed. He had no idea how Joe was planning on telling his youngest son, but surely he would tell Alfie before the boy would notice it himself. Knowing that there was a baby in Ben’s belly, even a 3-year old would make the connection when they saw that Joe was also starting to get a noticeable bump.

At least he wouldn’t have to worry about Ollie spoiling it for him, as the boy started nodding enthusiastically at the proposal of surprising his little brother. “Alfie is gonna like that.” He giggled.

“He sure is.”

* * *

Joe wasn’t sure how he had managed to convince John to have sex with their clothes still half on, but he had at least succeeded in not having John notice the bump. Still, he was running out of time and after five failed attempts earlier that night, he really had to tell him now.

John was already dozing of slightly; he’d been on his feet all day and after the activities he and his husband had engaged in only minutes earlier, he was a bit exhausted. He moved to pull Joe into him, but found him resisting, to his surprise. The look on Joe’s face that accompanied the gesture made him feel concerned rather than annoyed, however.

Before John could ask what was wrong, Joe spoke up himself. “Remember a few days ago, when we talked about me being a bit broody?”

John nodded. ‘A bit broody’ was an understatement; the younger man had made clear on several occasions that he would not mind possibly having another baby.

“It was hard not to notice.” He grinned.

Joe didn’t smile, his face turned even sadder than before. John felt a pang of guilt, it was because of him that there wouldn’t be another baby. Ollie and Alfie were energetic enough as it was, adding another baby to their family would tire him out even more.

“You said you would think about it, right?” He looked hopeful and it broke John’s heart that he had made up his mind.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have another child with Joe; if he’d been thirty years younger, he’d gladly agreed to trying for another baby. But he was in his seventies now. Not only was having another child a lot of work, but chances were he wouldn’t live to see them turn into an adult. On top of that, he was unsure whether he could handle the stress of trying for another baby and the disappointment they would feel every time a test came back negative.

“I did.”

“And?” There was that hopeful look again.

The older man sighed, not sure how to tell his husband. Joe would understand, he was sure of that, but he’d inevitably get upset.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, love.” He said. Joe’s expression went from hopeful to absolutely heartbroken in less than a second. And it was John’s fault.

“Why not?”

“You know why not. I’m getting older, Joe. There’s a chance I’ll never see Ollie and Alfie getting married or having children of their own and seeing another kid reach adulthood is even more unlikely. I’m just too old.”

Joe nodded; he understood where John was coming from but he had hoped for a different answer.

“You’re not too old! Brian was about the same age as you when Roger had the twins and they’re doing amazing. I just know you would too.”

It was unfair to play that card and they both knew it. “They didn’t plan for it to happen Joe, you know that. And they were scared of the same things as I'm scared of; they still are. I don’t want a third child to have to go through that too.”

Joe almost wanted to laugh hearing John say ‘third child’; if only he knew. He completely understood what John meant. Losing his own father had been terrible and he’d been in his thirties. John most likely wouldn’t live to see their kids hit thirty.

“But they’d have me and Ollie and Alfie. We’d get through that.”

“Please don’t try to convince me, I really think it’s for the best and you’ll come to realize that too.” John tried to reason. He realized he hadn’t been aware of just how bad Joe longed for another child. He was so close to giving in, but he knew that it would not be right to consciously make a third child deal with the loss of a parent at a rather young age.

For Joe, John’s words were the straw that broke the camel’s back; it had all become too much too fast. Joe couldn’t keep the built-up stress and emotions in anymore.

“But I’m already pregnant!” He exclaimed, sitting up abruptly with tears running down his cheeks. This was definitely not how he had planned to tell his husband, but he was glad he finally got it out.

He was almost scared to look at the older man. The shock was evident on John’s face and Joe swore he saw a hint of sadness in his husband’s eyes. The look on his own face must’ve been even worse though, as was being enveloped in a hug by the older man within seconds. A hand softly ran up and down his back as John whispered soothing words. It was then that Joe realized that the silent tears had turned into a full-blown emotional breakdown.

“It’s okay, love. We’ll make it work.” John whispered, attempting to comfort him. It broke his heart to have to hold the man he loved in his arms, watching him break apart, almost choking on his own tears. And it was all because of what John had said.

It was only after several minutes that the sobs died down and Joe felt like he could speak again. He must have looked a sight; his face was still covered in tears and despite not having seen himself in a mirror, he knew he was as red as a tomato.

“I thought you’d be mad at me.” Joe admitted, keeping his face buried in John’s chest. It hurt John that Joe thought he would react badly to a pregnancy but then again, the conversation they had just had gave Joe all the reason to expect an unhappy reaction.

“Because you’re pregnant?” John asked, rubbing away some of the tears with his thumbs. “Of course I’m not mad! I participated in this as much as you did.”

Joe grinned at that, although it was barely noticeable. John smiled back and for a moment Joe thought it would all be alright. Then John raised an eyebrow and the relief vanished to be replaced with fear.

“What I’m not very happy about, is that you’ve kept it from me for so long, assuming you’ve known as long as you’ve been mentioning having another baby.”

Joe could live with John being disappointed in him for that. The most important thing was that he had told his husband and that the latter seemed to be at peace with it.

“You said you didn’t want more kids.” The American shrugged.

“And we initially didn’t expect to have kids at all, yet here we are.” John reasoned. “I am gonna love this baby just as much as I love my other children; don’t worry. C’mere.” John helped the still softly sobbing Joe lie down and settled next to him.

Joe didn’t correct his husband when he talked about the baby in singular, although he know he should’ve. _That was for another time_ , he thought as he laid his head down on the older man’s chest.

This conversation had ended a lot better than it started and Joe felt relieved that his secret was finally out. The talks about ultrasounds, why he had waited to tell John for so long and how far along Joe was would come tomorrow. For now, the two men were happy and comfortable and when Joe felt a warm hand settle on his bump, he knew everything would be alright. He closed his eyes and immediately felt himself drift off.

He was almost asleep when he heard John’s soft voice speak up again.

“I am going to get the snip though.”

* * *

The first thing Joe saw when he walked into the Lee’s living room the next morning when he and John came to pick the boys up, was the image of his sons lying on either side of Ben, completely enamored with the bump. Ben had his arms wrapped around the two boys and watched them with a smile as they poked his belly, seemingly trying to get the baby to kick.

“She doesn’t move much anymore.” Ollie said with a pout, disappointed that the baby wasn’t as active as she had been the night before.

“Maybe she’s asleep.” Ben shrugged.

Ollie’s eyes instantly grew big. “She sleeps in your tummy?”

“I think she does.” The blond nodded, although honestly, he hadn’t studied the baby books well enough to know whether that was actually possible. It seemed plausible enough.

“That’s cool.” He marveled, before holding his finger to his mouth in attempt to remain quiet because they shouldn’t wake the baby up. Alfie paid no attention to his brother; he was too enamored by the bump.

He gave Ben’s belly a few soft rubs and even a little kiss, making the blond smile in adoration.

“You’re soft.” The younger boy murmured, laying his head on the bump. The boys hadn’t even noticed their parents coming in. It made Joe smile a little, it seemed like he wouldn’t have to worry about his other son getting upset about getting a new sibling, or two in this case.

Joe cleared his throat to get their attention. “Am I being replaced or something?”

Hearing their father’s voice, the boys sat up instantly, although they made an effort to be careful of Ben’s bump. Alfie was the first to skip his way over to his parents, already holding his arms out for one of them to pick him up. John knew, rationally, that Joe would be just fine lifting the small boy, but decided to do it himself anyway; he didn’t want to take unnecessary risks.

Joe could barely pay attention to what John and the boys were talking about. For the first time in weeks, he felt calm. Despite having said he thought having another baby would be a bad idea, his husband seemed happy. He knew that the boys were happy too and Gwil and Ben talking to Ben’s bump might have been the most precious thing he had seen in years.

Everything was alright.

Despite the angst of the argument with John the day before, the sight of his boys being so interested in the baby filled him with excitement to share the news with them. Or well, with Alfie. Due to his breakdown, he had failed to tell John that their oldest son already knew about the babies and he suspected John wouldn’t be happy to be informed that Joe had already told not only Gwil and Ben, but Rami and Ollie too. Nor had he told him that they were going to have twins.

Joe could barely believe himself for thinking it, as he knew the teasing would be endless, but he really wanted to talk to Roger. He had gone through this too and maybe, somewhere in between mentions of karma being a bitch and remarks about how much harder a twin pregnancy is compared to carrying one baby, the drummer might be able to give him a piece of useful advice.

And he hoped form the bottom of his heart that in a few months, it would be him sitting on the couch while his sons played with his bump, accompanied by his doting husband beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, he finally told John. Let's just ignore the fact he didn't mention that they're having twins instead of just one baby, cause Joe will too.


End file.
